Valentine's coming in two weeks and it's gonna be a year after the break up.
I shouldn't even be asking this but "How are you?" Pretty sure writing this at 5am in the morning doesn't look like the moving on process is going well, as much as I tried, still trying. Heck, my device passcode is still your birth date as of today. A year is a long and short period, long enough for people to tell that it's enough to forget but short because this whole year seems like it was never any different. Sometimes I'm thankful that my mind would be rational and motivates me to keep going, move forward, live a life she would regret ditching your ass and don't look back. But in nights like these, I find myself thinking of you and us, about what happened, what went wrong, though I clearly know why.
You're a Virgo, can be a handful and cute at the same time. A the messy yet organized person, like the time how stuff was all over the place after you moved in with me. Yet you would find my hairband among the pile instantly. You'd get mad and throws tantrum on me when I was out with my friends because you came home from outstation to surprise me but to find an empty house. Was that even entirely my fault? Throughout the pass 3 years, I find myself struggling to deal with your habits, lifestyle, personality, the fact that you really hate durians, emotional situations, everything. I thought we'd pull through albeit all the effort and sacrifices, because I remembered the one sentence that you wrote, that you wanted to be with me for a long long time, hence that was the only goal in my mind towards this relationship. Evidently, it was only me myself and I. Maybe first love was meant to be broken and I was the naïve one back then.
That was cruel of you, cruel of you to initiate an argument on our anniversary a year ago which eventually leads to the breakup after. That's what I've been dying to tell you until now, that you were cruel but at the same time I should've known back then, when you're already tired of us, when there's no longer love in you to me. I know you felt guilty though, all the stalking and random number texts when I cut myself off from social media, dying for some information just so you know that I'm living a normal life for you to feel a tad bit better.
Despite all that I'd still thank you for the beautiful memories you've given me, hope I'd still have faith in love honestly. Promised myself that I would try when the time comes, but not now definitely. I'll keep telling myself although I've being doing it a million times that this is all over now, there will still be nights like this but it's ok. In the back of my mind I know you will be just another passerby, things would get better, someday.
Thursday, August 18, 2016
GERMAN EXPRESSIONISM
History and Development
Expressionism first started as an artistic movement in 1905 as a form of fine arts that stresses on the portrayal of inner emotions and experiences rather than the conventional presentation of reality. “Expressionism” refers to the word “expression” and “emotions” in terms of art and literature form to celebrate nature and spirituality. Expressionism was developed as an avant-garde style before World War I. It remained popular during the Weimar Republic, particularly in Berlin. The style extended to a wide range of the arts, including painting, sculpture, dance, cinema, literature, drama, poetry, prose, music, architecture. (Ghosh, 2013)
The movement developed during the late 19th and early 20th centuries as a reaction against the academic standards that had prevailed in Europe since the Renaissance (1300-1600), particularly in French and German art academies. In expressionism the artist tries to present an emotional experience in its most compelling form. The artist is not concerned with reality as it appears but with its inner nature and with the emotions aroused by the subject. To achieve these ends, the subject is frequently caricatured, exaggerated, distorted, or otherwise altered in order to stress the emotional experience in its most intense and concentrated form. (Ghosh, 2013)
During World War I, the German government began to support German film industry in order to product its own propaganda films. And the film firms in German like the mushrooms after the rain which grows rapidly from a dozen of small firms during 1911 to 131 film firms on 1918 with the policy encouraged these companies to band together into cartels. (Ghosh, 2013)
In 1917, the rebellious tendencies increase after the success of the Russian Revolution and the war were unpopular with many in Germany. Thus the German government, Deutsche Bank and large industrial concern to combine several small firms to create a large company which called Universum Film Aktiengesellschaft (UFA) during late 1917 with purpose of promoting the pro-war films. UFA was able to gather superb technicians and build the best-equipped studios in Europe with the huge financial backing. That was the golden age of German film industry back in the days; as Germany coproduced many films in other countries, thus helping to spread German stylistic influence abroad.
In 1920, a film called “The Cabinet of Dr. Caligali” was done in an Expressionist style, scripted by Carl Mayer and Hans Jannowitz. This film was extremely successful, it created a sensation in Berlin and then in United States, France and other countries. Because of its success, other films in Expressionist style soon followed. The stylistic movement in cinema was lasted for several years and by the mid-1920s, these films were regarded as among the best in the world. (Bordwell & Thompson, 2010)
However, a combination of circumstances led to the disappearance of the movement. The rampant inflation of the early 1920s in Germany made the German exporters to sell their films cheaply abroad. But, inflation discouraged imports. In 1924, the U.S. Dawes Plan helped to stabilize the German economy, causing the foreign films came in more frequently and led to the competition in between German films and those foreign films. Not only that, the Expressionist films budget were climbing especially F.W. Murnau’s Faust (1926) and Fritz Lang’s Metropolis (1927) were costly epics that drove UFA deeper into financial difficulty. Due to that, most of the actors and cinematographers left German and went to Hollywood. (Bordwell & Thompson, 2010)
After that, the Germans began to imitate the American films in order to compete with the Hollywood films. As a result, Expressionism as a movement lasted in 1927. But fortunately, many German filmmakers came to the Hollywood and produced Hollywood horror films with film noir’s expressionist tendencies in their setting and lighting which caused the expressionism in film style has never entirely died out. (Bordwell & Thompson, 2010)
Characteristics Found in “The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari”
Robert Wiene’s The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920), designed in an Expressionist style, and became a critical and commercial success particularly in the U.S. and in France, where the elements of The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari became synonymous with Expressionist cinema. Expressionism was an avant-garde movement which had begun in painting; it was then taken up in theater, literature, architecture, and finally in film. The three designers – Hermann Warm, Walter Reimann and Walter Rohrig – were responsible for the Expressionist style of The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. In this film, stylization functions to “express” the distorted viewpoint of a madman: We see the world as the mad narrator does; the film becomes a projection of his vision. (Bordwell & Thompson, 2010)
German expressionism concerned in the themes such as revolt, self-analysis, madness, primitive and sexual savagery. The notable style that compasses in German Expressionism film is the oblique camera angles. Followed by the distorted bodies and shape which is the lines and the buildings that counter the sense balance. And also suggest a warped perspective of the world, to reflect the emotion and mind state. Besides, chiaroscuro lighting also known as high contrast or low key lighting played the important role in German Expressionism film. It is use to create the dramatic contrast between the light and the shadow to present the dark aspect among the human, things and nature.
Somehow, dramatic shadow considers the common element for the horror story to give off the ominous feelings and the creepy mood to the audiences. Therefore, shadow became an important role in narrative by reflecting the action of the characters. On the other hand, the content of German Expressionism film are usually in surreal and gothic, it is about unnatural act or realities, bizarre and incongruous setting that is usually gothic in look and framing. The gothic makeup and clothing along with the exaggerated movements of the actors will also create the anxiety feels and psychological states.
Through the entire film, the director, Robert Wiene tended to put all visual elements to persuade the audience, into the world of insanity to emphasize into the theme which he wanted them to understand. Regarding to the subconscious power, Weine wanted the audience to see the uncertainty of human’s mind which is far deeper than what they can understood clearly. Therefore, there were some aspects in this film which significantly involved with the idea of mind control, and psychological terror. For example, when Cesare told Alan that he could only live until dawn, Alan was in total terror. In fact, that was a trick that Dr. Caligari using Cesare to spread the feeling of fear among the people in order to make them believe in him for personal gain. Dr. Caligari hypnotized Cesare to commit crimes for him and that was a form of mind control.
Next, the most outstanding element of this film was its visualization which can be divided into two parts which were the artistic element and narrative element. These impressive visual elements were used as important parts of The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari and at the same time also driving audience’s eye sight while watching this film. The director chose to use painted setting and added some distorted angles on the scene. In reality, the buildings are supposed to be upright on earth instead of being slanting like the background settings in the film. In the film, the background settings were actually reflecting the unstable psychological status of the characters. For example, the whole Dr. Caligari’s incident was actually made up in Francis’s mind; he was one of the inmate in the asylum. He was mentally unstable that was why in his story; the settings are slanting and dark.
Besides, the German Expressionist films often using low-key lightings to show the heavy contrast between light and dark which known as chiaroscuro lighting. In this film, it is obvious that the shadows shrouded most of the scenes and it represented the dark forces were more formidable. Not only that, to enlighten the presence of the dark forces, the characters were in heavy makeup, their eye sockets and lips were painted in black colour which the director intended to let the audience felt mentally uncomfortable.
Last but not least, there were other elements of German Expressionism presented in this film, which were the primitive and sexual savagery in certain character such as Cesare. Cesare was designed as a character that has no motive in doing anything because he was hypnotized by Dr. Caligari. When he was summoned by Dr. Caligari to kill Jane, when he meets Jane, his inner evil-primitive self was somehow driven out and causing him to abduct Jane. He was supposed to kill her, but he carried her to the hill, because he might have sexual desire on Jane.
Video Tribute:
Synopsis
The synopsis is about a prosess of a student going crazy. At first, she is just being like a normal student, studying on her desk. However, due to the huge amount of assignments and deadlines to rush as a student, she eventually went crazy. The “depressed” side follows her everywhere no matter in study room or bathroom, thus, takes hold of her life at last.
Basically, in our short film, we have decided to use the theme of madness due to the concept which is the pressure of the character that she had faced during her studies. We applied oblique camera angles in some of the parts such as when the ghost appears at the window and peeped at the protagonist. Also, the flickering light is to represent feelings of anxiety towards audiences. Low angle was used to create sense of insecurity which provides more effect pairing with hard light. In most of the shot, chiaroscuro (high contrast) lighting is used to create shadowing, not only that it could provoke one’s inner fear and reflects their emotion in the sense of mental. Furthermore, the “depressed” was seen in gothic style make ups with pale white face and dark shading around her eyes. Point of view shots is to emphasize the perception and allow audience to understand the distress and fear of the character.
Conclusion
Throughout this assignment, we get to produce a video tribute of one of the greatest film in the world, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. We understand that the German artists used the idiom “Expressionism’’ as a meaning to convey their artistic philosophy and practice after we had done a research about German Expressionism. However, the phrase would eventually be applied to represent any approach to art that would demonstrate a distorted reality as well as a depiction of the artist’s mental state of being like what did The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari showed the audience.
In conclusion, Expressionism is not primarily driven by technique, but it is a desire to express emotion. Real form in the Expressionist films is shown little consideration; but the aim is to show expression.
For the first time, I did not even saw her. For the first time, I walked pass her. For the first time, she wasn't even a friend. For the first time, she was ordinary. For the first time, she was just another girl. Cliché - adj. n. being predictable and unimaginative; falling into a groove of human boredom; an old tired trend. Meeting her was far from cliché, it wasn't those capture-by-her-beauty-at-first-sight-and-falls-deeply-in-love kinda type because at my first sight, neither did I even imagine of what would it be like if we're more than friends.
Fate gave me a second chance to know how interesting and amazing it is within that ordinary face. Though she didn't capture my attention on the first sight, I would still choose the same because this second sight was something that couldn't be replaced. If it wasn't for her, I'd forget what does falling for character, spirit and heart felt like. Out was the strong exterior, she is the one that made me want to protect her when no one sees her weak. Staring intently into that pair of eyes, she is also the one that I wanted to tell her that how much of a fascinating beautiful creature she is, the one that I fell in love, in second sight.
Where are you? You're missing so much right now Do you know that? I need you here to see I need you her to feel I need you here to experience I need you to be right here, with me. Where are you? Everything in me is prepared, nothing left, just you. I could touch your nose when I think you're being cute I could embrace you anytime I want to show you that you're loved I could draw soothing circles on the back of your palm with my thumb and tell you everything is alright I could bring you on a night ride and sleep under the stars instead of scrolling through the screens I could let you squish my face to make funny faces so you could have a good laugh I could cuddle with you until dawn and you could talk about your life going on and on, tell me everything about you and I'm all yours to listen. What would you be like? I wonder what is your favorite color? Are you a cheese-maniac like me? What if you hate durians?
Will you be jealous when I spazz at the girls? I'm really looking forward seeing you someday. But these day I am afraid, what if the day didn't come? What if you never found me and I never met you? Come soon? Please? I really need you in my life. Love, Me
I'm back from National Service. Guess what? I had a great time there. To be official, my camp is located on Semenyih, Selangor. I knw it's only around here and it's like so damn near =.= I couldn't control rite? Anyway, the full name of my camp is Kem Setia Ikhlas, Semenyih, in short, KEMSIS it's easier to remember obviously =/ Before goin to the camp, I knew WeiTeng and Nigel were in the same camp as me. So, yeah, I feel kinda lucky, at least I knew someone :) The thing I felt even more happier was, I knew more frens thr :D They're my gang..my Kemsis 8 pals :D Before 31/12/2011, I live my life without them. But when the clock strikes 12 and the date became 1/1/2012..I started spending my first 3 months on the year of 2012 with a bunch of person I do not recognise at all, which is my Kemsis 8 pals XD They were the bunch of person who gave me happiness and joy in Kem Setia Ikhlas :) I spent my days perfectly in the camp, laughters and more laughters everyday..We do crazy things like it's not anybody else's business, for example:
- scream our lungs out to support frens :)
- have interviews or ice-cream together during some special day :D
- run around the dewan makan juz to put cream on our fren's face bcoz it's that bitch's bday XD
- throw each others' shoe under the table and crawl under the table like Spider-man juz to pick back our shoe XD
- Play soccer with bottles in the middle of the night XD
- DETERMINATION is our quote but always fails (except Me and Zhou Yue XD)
- PERJUMPAAN HARAM which is eating in front of the toilet to prevent getting caught by teacher XD
- do ostrich moves n sing like crazy in the bus (i.e --> Grace XD)
- play in the rain n get ourselves wet or chasing each other around the dewan :D
Till the day of 17/3/2012, we are forced to separate and ofcoz I felt sad and heartbroken :( But when I saw them crying and hugging each other, I felt kinda glad because I know even though we're far apart, our heart will always be together :D
wow I can't believe I came back after 5 days. I read a note the past few weeks and it changed me a lot. Previously I'm very sure how i felt for you, ofcoz I felt the same to you like before just, it made me asked myself "Is it worth doing all these?". Basically I'm holding on to something that I haven't got. You see, what I'd get as a feedback from you by treating you nice? The note says "Are you sure you're willing to sacrifice everything even though the one you loved will not respond to you? If yes then why are you sad?" I blacked out when I saw that line. I hesitated. Should I? Or shouldn't I? The past few months I've been sad, down and emo for countless times and I'm still blur by doing everything for you like crazy, but this 1 line, woke me. But, when I'm with you the feeling is still there just, I wouldn't gave too much hope to myself like what I usually did which may probably make me disappointed like hell. See? You seriously influenced me alot. What am I suppose to do in my life to hold your palms? What if there's no more YOU's in my life? I couldn't imagine those garbagey life. But nevermind, I'll just enjoy what I have now, with you in it :D
- Jenn - There's still a part of me that will always be in love with you.
WTF? It's been more than 8 months I've dumped this blog. Poor thing, but I seriously have not much things so say though. But, today I came with something for my bloggie. Nothing special actually. One word - Friendship.
I couldn't really understand this word sometimes, although it is important to me. But why do people tend to ignore or even isolate it? The thing is, when you see it so important and you gave in all you had but no one tend to appreciate your pay outs? sacrifices? Whatever. A single misunderstand causes so much problem which are not suppose to happen between good friends like us. Sometimes I wonder is it worth doing these for yall. I do wonder, but, I....did not do it. After all these, what I've get for the feedback is way more worst than I've imagined. All I wanted is just a bunch of friends that I can share things with each and everyone of you. But things just got even worse than I've thought. Do I deserve all these? Maybe I do. Is it my fault? I'm very sorry then, don't blame yourself...what? Yea I'm so Great. How sarcastic.
