31/1/2022 4:40am
Valentine's coming in two weeks and it's gonna be a year after the break up.
I shouldn't even be asking this but "How are you?" Pretty sure writing this at 5am in the morning doesn't look like the moving on process is going well, as much as I tried, still trying. Heck, my device passcode is still your birth date as of today. A year is a long and short period, long enough for people to tell that it's enough to forget but short because this whole year seems like it was never any different. Sometimes I'm thankful that my mind would be rational and motivates me to keep going, move forward, live a life she would regret ditching your ass and don't look back. But in nights like these, I find myself thinking of you and us, about what happened, what went wrong, though I clearly know why.
You're a Virgo, can be a handful and cute at the same time. A the messy yet organized person, like the time how stuff was all over the place after you moved in with me. Yet you would find my hairband among the pile instantly. You'd get mad and throws tantrum on me when I was out with my friends because you came home from outstation to surprise me but to find an empty house. Was that even entirely my fault? Throughout the pass 3 years, I find myself struggling to deal with your habits, lifestyle, personality, the fact that you really hate durians, emotional situations, everything. I thought we'd pull through albeit all the effort and sacrifices, because I remembered the one sentence that you wrote, that you wanted to be with me for a long long time, hence that was the only goal in my mind towards this relationship. Evidently, it was only me myself and I. Maybe first love was meant to be broken and I was the naïve one back then.
That was cruel of you, cruel of you to initiate an argument on our anniversary a year ago which eventually leads to the breakup after. That's what I've been dying to tell you until now, that you were cruel but at the same time I should've known back then, when you're already tired of us, when there's no longer love in you to me. I know you felt guilty though, all the stalking and random number texts when I cut myself off from social media, dying for some information just so you know that I'm living a normal life for you to feel a tad bit better.
Despite all that I'd still thank you for the beautiful memories you've given me, hope I'd still have faith in love honestly. Promised myself that I would try when the time comes, but not now definitely. I'll keep telling myself although I've being doing it a million times that this is all over now, there will still be nights like this but it's ok. In the back of my mind I know you will be just another passerby, things would get better, someday.
